What I learned from a cat that found me
The cat distribution system strikes again!
Cats have unknowingly (or do they really know?) taught me things about myself all throughout my life. Each cat I’ve had, from Sox when I was eight, to Minuit our black cat, to Get-out-of-here when I was first married, to Olive and Bean, my current housemates, have a story. It wasn’t until I got my latest cat, OC Birdie, that I thought more about the lessons I’ve learned. Turns out Sox was actually three different cats. The first Sox was sadly hit by a car and my mom got me an identical replacement before I got home from elementary school so I wouldn’t be upset. When it happened again a year later, she did the same thing but this time it wasn’t quite an identical match and I had become wiser. But I played along with her charade so she wouldn’t be upset. (Sox taught me to be accepting). Minuit lived his full nine lives—and even moved with us from Ohio to Texas and back again when I was in high school. After a loud harrowing start, he clawed his way out of his cardboard box and curled-up next to our dog, Bridget, for the cross-country drive. (Minuit showed me how to be independent.) Get-out-of-here was named by my ex and mysteriously disappeared after a golf club bag/poop incident. (He became my ex - enough said.)
I adopted Olive and Bean from a local animal rescue non-profit that I found online after moving to Hillsborough, NC just a year ago. With multiple daily views of their adorable photos and enduring brother/sister story—I knew they were meant for me. Turns out they’re not brother and sister (months apart birth dates from their microchips) and they’re very shy and skittish. Not quite as I had imagined. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Olive and Bean! They’re becoming more and more social as they become accustomed to me and our home and have taught me much about expectations and patience.
So, when this sweet, affectionate cat showed up in my backyard, it took lots of will power not to pet her. I tried ignoring her, even though she would greet me every time I left my house and returned. But I had two indoor cats. I couldn’t risk spreading cat leukemia or some other disease to them. And I certainly didn’t need a third cat! I didn’t feed her thinking she’d run off after a few days. But she stayed. She slept under a bush near my back door. She left me a “present”—a freshly killed vole on my front porch doormat. A week went by. I posted her picture on Next-door, I asked neighbors about her, I searched local websites to see if someone reported her lost. Nothing. More weeks went by. I finally gave in and named her “OC” for “outdoor cat" so I could at least greet her properly. It took more and more will-power to ignore her rubbing against my legs, her morning greetings, and her charming persistence.
Then came the weekend of my book launch. My kids visited from Washington. They loved on this cat and even petted it. A few friends joined us for a garden party the day after the launch and insisted I feed OC. Before I knew it, she was in one of their laps. Everyone strongly encouraged me to keep her and name her “Birdie” after the main character in Whistling Women and Crowing Hens. They kept saying “it’s meant to be—she’s chosen you.” If you’ve read my novel, you know—Birdie doesn’t like cats because they kill songbirds, who are her friends. I’m not Birdie—I like cats but I also like birds, so I keep my cats inside. Side fact—according to the American Bird Conservatory, the number one threat to songbirds is cats!
I was traveling for more book launches, so my friend who house/cat sits for me (aren’t I lucky?!) took OC Birdie to the vet. We got all her vaccines, shots, prevention stuff up to date and discovered she’s about three years old and not microchipped. We’re pretty sure she’s been spayed but need to surgically confirm later. When I returned home, I researched how to introduce a new cat to my cats and began the process the next day.
There’s been a few hisses, one hissy-fit, and some kisses. Most importantly, I’ve learned a lot about building new relationships from these cats:
Everybody needs a “safe space.” I set up OC Birdie in my guest bedroom with her own food, water, toys, and litterbox. I closed the door. She spent a few days sniffing, sleeping and claiming her space. Olive and Bean already had their space upstairs, in my former “yoga room/guest bedroom” that they claimed when they moved in last year.
Be patient—don’t rush introductions. Several of the YouTube videos I watched (I recommend Jackson Galaxy, he’s a true cat whisperer) said to give them time to sniff the air under the door and that I’d know when they were ready to meet each other. I had exchanged their toys and wanted the intros to start but OC Birdie had not sniffed around the door much. She wasn’t ready. So, I waited several more days until she became more curious.
Positive reinforcement works! I put treats outside the guest door for Olive and Bean. I played with Olive (who isn’t food motivated, if you can believe it) right outside the door. I fed OC Birdie next to the door. I’d play with her, pet her and give her attention and then go outside of the room and do the same with Olive and Bean.
Introduce each other in a happy, playful environment. About a week after bringing OC Birdie inside, she was curious and seemed ready to explore beyond her safe space. A friend came over and we opened the door. She sat with OC Birdie and I played with a feather wand with Olive. (Bean was upstairs, in his usual spot. As long as he was fed, he could care less about the new cat—which is another idea about introductions I will process later). It went fairly well. They stared at each other, they sniffed and they played. I repeated opening the door and playing with both. Soon OC Birdie ventured out of the room and around the house. I could leave the door open when I was home.
Set your boundaries with hisses. OC Birdie didn’t like Olive sniffing her food so she hissed, quietly. Olive ran away. A few minutes later, Olive went into OC Birdie’s room, stayed away from the food and everyone seemed happy. One night Bean actually came down to OC Birdie’s room and stretched up to sniff her while she sat in her “cat condo.” A hissed cured him of that but he didn’t run away, he just didn’t invade her space! Olive didn’t like OC Birdie smelling her food, so she hissed. I never realized how well a hiss can protect your boundaries! I’m sure it will work for me too.
It’s okay to just tolerate each other at first. The cats can lay in the same room together now. Olive and Birdie have bumped noses or licked each other a couple of times but most days everyone is in their own space, including me! We’re living together but not best friends yet. OC Birdie cuddles much more than my other two, which I love. And Olive is noticing. She actually let me pet her with two hands yesterday. This is big for Olive!
I’m certain I have much more to learn from these independent animals! Do you own cats? Or has some other animal taught you how to behave? I’d love to hear your stories—please share in the comments below! If you don’t have your own pet story, hopefully you can pick up a few tips from OC Birdie, Olive, and Bean like I have.
~Stay curious and hiss when necessary!
Melora Fern
Like this article? Here are some of my others you might be interested in:
Learning about birds and people
My book Whistling Women and Crowing Hens is out now! Check out different places you can purchase here!
This was also published on my blog at melorafern.com
My cats teach me how to manipulate people for food. And how to nap well. 😘